Staring at my shoes
by morpolpunk
Summary: Sequel to Ice at the Train Station. Songfic Everything will be alright by The Killers. Ron's POV. Not as much smut but this is SLASH! RonDraco M for language and sexual references


Disclaimer- Don't own anything. The characters are JK Rowling's, the lyrics are The Killers.

**AN**- This is the second installment in my Ice at the Train Station series. So it will make more sense if you read that one first. There are three others that come after this one, White Sheets, Wrong without You and Of Coffee and Conquests. Please check my profile for them all. Thanks for reading! And thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far! I really appreciate the encouragement!

I believe in you and me  
I'm coming to find you  
If it takes me all night

I'm sitting on the seat in our compartment, staring at my shoes. I've been looking at my shoes for along time now. They are faded brown with frayed laces. There are three big wrinkles across the toe that cut deep into the leather. One looks like a crooked smile. I can still see it when I close my eyes. It's easier to look at my shoes than to risk looking at him. My friends are all around excited about getting home. They're trying to cheer me up it seems. But what usually works, hasn't been working lately. I'm thinking about him again, like I always do. I think about him, and look at my shoes.

Wrong until you make it right  
And I won't forget you

I didn't so much realize I was gay, as realized I liked Malfoy. It was disturbing to say the least. At the beginning I was just bitter, and maybe even slightly jealous. He was everything I wasn't. Good looking, confident, collected, elegant, graceful, eloquent, calm, intelligent... The list goes on. I looked at him and saw my opposite in every way. He was better than me and I hated him for it. Somewhere along the line though, the jealousy turned into admiration. I could never admit it to my friends but I was fascinated by him. Even that smirk he always had plastered on his face. When it wasn't directed at me of course. I thought about him constantly and always wondered what it must be like to be him. Then, when he came back to school 6th year tall and thin and even more perfect, there was lust. I couldn't help myself. He was so beautiful I couldn't stop myself from staring. And fantasizing. I still hated the cold cocky bastard he could be but I couldn't believe someone so beautiful could really be that bad. After all he had a demented death eater for a father. Who knows what that could do to a person? It's scary, that is.

At least I'll try  
And run, and run tonight

I'd always thought he paid me a bit more attention than I deserved. His poor jokes came everyday, even when he ignored Harry. He spent every moment he was near me making my life miserable. Somehow he knew just what to say to make me feel lower than a troll. There was a manic glint in his eye while tormenting me that I couldn't quite understand. But I would catch him looking at me, watching me even. During class, in the Great Hall, once in a while following me down a corridor he didn't belong in. It was in one of those corridors that it had happened. I turned on him, sick of letting him get to me first. I yelled at him. Asked him what the bloody hell he wanted. He looked startled for just a moment then started spitting insults at me. The same old thing at first; my mum's fat, I'm poor, I'm worthless, etc. I'd heard it all before. Until he called me Harry's subservient bitch. I'm not sure if I was just being sensitive because he questioned my questionable sexuality, or if I just wanted to prove I wasn't subservient, but the next thing I knew I had my hand around his neck holding him to the wall. I looked into his eyes, ready to pound into him. They were bright and wide in shock, but I saw something in them that made me stop. There was hunger in his eyes. Hunger and longing. For me? In my confusion and shock I risked something I never could have otherwise. I kissed him. Hard. I couldn't control it after it started. I wanted him. And obviously he wanted me to.

I was out shopping for a doll  
To say the least, I thought I've seen them all

I'll never be able to forget what he said afterward. A quick fuck. But I knew. The first time it had been just that. We fucked. Passionately and lustfully. It was incredible. But when we'd finished, I'd held him and looked into his eyes, I knew there was something else there. His eyes were beautiful. They were alive and dancing with light and emotion. That one moment conveyed more truth about him than anything he could ever tell me.

But then you took me by surprise  
I'm dreaming bout those dreamy eyes

Everything I thought I'd known about Malfoy disappeared and I started to discover Draco. I learned things I will always remember. Like how his pupils get very large after sex, and how he moans when I lick his ears. How his skin tastes on my tongue, how his breath feels on my neck, what his hair smells like, how his fingers feel running over my chest. How it felt when we made love. It was beautiful. He'd been so gentle and caring. He caressed me so affectionately and kissed me so passionately. He did tender and teasing things to me I'd never imagined possible. There was a feeling this time, warmth in my chest, and I couldn't help a smile from spreading on my lips. I've thought about it for countless hours. Trying to decide what it could all mean.

I never knew, I never knew  
So take your suitcase, cause I don't mind

I've almost come to a conclusion. I've thought about how things would be if I'd kept my mouth shut. I should have known better. But I admitted everything. At first it seemed ok but then I must have gone to far because something changed in him. Like he was pulling a mask over his face, he grew cold and cruel again. He said things that hurt me so much that I left him. Looking back, I wish I had stayed. Forced him to admit that there was something else. Or just held him until he owned up. I know there is something there. I can't say it's love, but it's something. I want nothing more than a chance to figure out what it is. I know there are obstacles. The war, his father, our families. But the war won't last forever. And then, then there will be life.

And baby doll, I meant it every time  
You don't need to compromise  
I'm dreaming bout those dreamy eyes

I never knew, I never knew  
But it's alright...

I step off the train and look around. I walk with my friends back through the barrier to our families. I greet them and attempt a smile. They start to collect our things and I quietly sneak off. My eyes search the station and they finally rest on him. He's standing with his back to me, in the middle of the crowded floor watching the people rushing around him. I slowly walk up behind him until I am a few inches from his back. He stiffens slightly, aware of my presence. I close the gap between us and lower my lips to his ear. I tell him that I will be waiting for him when all this is over. Then I whisper

Everything will be alright  
Everything will be alright

He eases slightly at these words but does not turn around. I raise my hand and stroke one finger down the nape of his neck. He shivers slightly. I turn around and walk back to my family with a smile on my face. I will be waiting but for now I'm going home.

Everything will be alright  
Everything will be alright


End file.
